I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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