Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
