Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
