i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
