You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize