Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dicks are not precious.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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