you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
