is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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