He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
