Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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