I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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