What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
