I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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