You're my little dorito
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
