i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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