I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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