Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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