So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
