I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
