i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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