The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's rum buckets o'clock
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
