Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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