Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
