i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
