I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
