you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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