I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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