I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
