come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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