I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
