you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
