Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
