i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
