I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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