Where is the hickey?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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