I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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