It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize