I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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