Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
