enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
