I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize