I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize