The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize