either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
