Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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