omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
