I accidentally burped into my bong.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
