Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
