He asked to "fluff my boner.."
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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