we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
