During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
