HIV tests are more positive than that guy
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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