Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize