There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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