He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry about my life...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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