This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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