K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
this hospital has no fireball
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize