I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
