Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
