Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My balls are so social today.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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