fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
