I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
