I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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