The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize