you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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