Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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