apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
