After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
