trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
