Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
