Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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