She went from zero to smokin in five shots
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
