I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
