our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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