The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
