she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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