census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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