we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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