I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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