thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
