there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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